I’d love to do the 10% in 4 thing, but I’d have to change my diet of ring dings and red bull and I’m just not ready for that level of commitment. I think that if you continue to keep a Tumblr and post to it, even though doing so could potentially ruin your life, that’s your business. I think you’re being dumb, but it’s your decision. I got no sleep last...
When a character is being a real bitch to me, I’ll save my game, and hit that twat in the head with a mace until she’s dead. And then, when she comes back to life and electrocutes me to death, I simply re-load as if nothing happened. I wish real life had save points.
Things I miss.
Waking up earlier than I had to for work. Trying to get dressed without getting distracted and failing miserably. Walking into a cold room and feeling it warm up. Long lunch breaks. Eating Sushi in my truck. Eating BLT’s with avocado in my truck. Going to Staples. Listening to someone talk and talk about whatever. Dunkin Donuts coffee in my truck after work. Staying late. ...
It happened like this. I made tortellini soup for dinner at my sister-in-law’s house. It was delicious. Obviously. My son is sick with a cold, but he still ate a fair amount of tortellini. He’s sitting at one of those high tables, you know the ones? They’re like, really high. My wife is sitting with him, and me, my SIL, and her boyfriend are in the living room. And then...
Well folks, the Christmas Season is officially...
Conversations which partially happened.
Uncle D.: Oh, by the way, I cancelled Thomas's subscription to The New Yorker.
Me: You mean the boring magazine which is too old for me, that you got as a present for my 3 year old? That one?
UD: Yeah. I'm thinking about getting him a subscription to Wired this Christmas.
Me: You know what? He'll just take the money.
My brother and his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s kids are down from New Hampshire and they made baked macaroni and cheese and corn chowder and fresh parmesan bread and I ate so much I can’t breathe and it’s like I’m pre-gaming for tomorrow.
Based on the comments some of you guys leave, it’s clear that you’ve never seen boobs before. And that’s sad. Seriously. You should get out of your mom’s basement for a little while. Explore the world!
husky-jon replied to your photo: I’m tired and drained and raw, but today is better… Love you boo! Back off, ladies. He’s all mine.
Fuck you, Tumblr.
Guy at store: Hi. How are you?
Me: How much time do you have?
ericarosie-deactivated20120711 asked: I have no idea how I somehow wasn't following you on tumblr, you always make me crack up on twitter. Also I like your superman shirt. But this is an askhole so I feel irrelevant not asking a question. So. What is your favorite name for a unicorn?
You guys are seriously making it hard for me to...
Some kid: You know, smoking is gonna kill you.
Me: Well here's hoping, kid.
Anonymous asked: I want to rip that sweater you always wear into shreds with my razor sharp nipples.
Dad: How's the job search coming?
Dad: Have you tried the Google?
Me: The Google?
Dad: Yeah. You should probably check it out a couple times a day.
Me: Thanks, dad. I'll look into it.
Ode to Men of Tumblr.
Oh, men of tumblr. Where would I be without you? You’ve taught me so much. So much. For instance, telling a girl who you’ve had little to no actual social interaction with, that you want to lick her from head to toe is, in fact, creepy as all hell and does not have the effect I would imagine you were hoping for. All of your “Mmmm’s” and “Boner!s” and...
He’s crying through the lyrics to “This is Halloween” from The...– Me, in a text, describing my son’s FANTASTIC mood this afternoon.
I was all excited when the pictures came back up..
Because I thought they were censoring porn and shit. But no. You suck Tumblr.
Why aren’t there playgrounds for adults? Think about it. Who the hell wants to go to the gym? I have a 3 year old, and I have to tell you, I’ve never once heard him say, “Hey dad, can I just stay inside and pretend to ski in place for an hour and watch reruns of King of Queens on a shitty TV while other kids around me do the same thing?” You want to know why he’s...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRA!!!
I got you some delicious treats for your birthday! I hope you have an awesome day!
Anonymous asked: Not only do I like your blog (haha I found it) but I also am OBSESSED with you secretly. Ok here we go.. I got this idea from a Tumblr spam I got once lol.. I think you like me too and you were always too shy to admit it :3 go to crushmatches(dót)com (wtf it wont let me link regular) and make an account there. Then look up the profile 'gottagetme19' (me obviously) I left body...