April 2012
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March 2012
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Anonymous asked: WHY DID SHE SELL SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE?! Was it because she was a crack whore? Thoughts?
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Anonymous asked: What are you going to do if you win Megamillions tonight?
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recleegallstar-deactivated20120 asked: Bachelor party shenanigans, I'm for 'em. Lay out the nights activities for us
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changingstephanie asked: Why can't I just sit still until my nail polish dries?
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Anonymous asked: WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME RYANJJOHN I MUST KNOW
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ericarosie-deactivated20120711 asked: For an apocalypse, would you prefer a zombie horde, a technological revolution in which robots take over our brains, or for dinosaurs to come back as the top predator on the planet?
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apricotica asked: Stop douching with sand. The vagina is a self-cleaning organ.
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anonymouscontradictions asked: Did you ever end up gettin a burrito?!
So
Tomorrow I’ll be gambling away my life savings in the name of bachelorismhood, but tonight I’m bored, so ask me stuff.
Just like.. anything.
At all.
Anon is on too.
Me: Man I need to lose weight.
Me 5 minutes later: Man I could really go for a burrito right now.
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foxy-fox:
And, my shitty piano cover of Lana Del...
Every single customer today: Wow! I can't even imagine winning that much money! Can you??
Me: Yes.
Pets? You guys are cute.
My son did that.
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I have never..
I’m not really sure I understand this meme since there’s so many things that I haven’t done, but let’s give it a shot.
I have never:
Had sex with a man. Well.. I mean she wasn’t a man anymore. At the time. Probably.
Worn women’s underwear. In public.
Had any illegitimate children. That I know about.
Enjoyed a romantic comedy. Not even Love, Actually with...
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“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we...”
– Thank you, Don Draper. (via shebejewel)
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epidemia:
girlwhowasonfire:
...
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I'm standing in my son's room..
All of a sudden, the shade on his window snaps open for no reason whatsoever.
I stand there for a second, frozen.
I look up at the lights to see if they’re flickering.
I check my breath to see if a chill has suddenly entered the room.
I reach into my pocket and grab the small container of salt I’ve recently started carrying around.
I unscrew the top, and slowly go over to the...
Dear 12 year old me.
Start drinking. Now. You only have 13 years left! Start now you fool!!
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I've decided that since the only jobs out there...
That I might as well have a little fun. So here’s a cover letter I’m about to send out. Let me know what you guys think.
Hi there.
I’m guessing since this cover letter is in the body of my email, that you haven’t yet had a chance to read my resume. You should probably glance at it before we continue. It’s ok. I’ll wait.
Done?
Good.
As you can see from my resume, I have almost...
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The AA contact list.
Dad: I need a roofer, know anyone?
Me: Yeah definitely. Rob's really good. And he.. wait.. no. He's dead. Nevermind.
Dad: Dead?
Me: Yeah overdosed a couple months ago. Oh! There's John! He's pretty good. He worked with Rob. And he's.. Shit. No. He's in rehab.
Dad: Rehab. Right.
Me: Hey there's Brian! Brian's really good. And not dead or in rehab.
Dad: Great! What's his last name?
Me: ...
Dad: You don't know???
Me: IT'S AN ANONYMOUS PROGRAM, DAD.
Dad: Your contact list sucks.
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