I'm done answering questions for the night.
If I didn’t get to yours, it’s because it’s a hard ass question that I need to think about before I answer. You.. hard question asking people.
justcallmemike-deactivated20120 asked: Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
ostmayustardlay asked: Wait, Boston? Where do you live, and why have I always thought you were somewhere out west, like California? I have reevaluate my entire life now.
spiralingsidewayz asked: Your turn, punk. One food. Forever and ever. GO.
azzman-deactivated20130519 asked: You me and a bottle of vaseline are we ready to party?
judyschu asked: Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?
kissuponhershoulder-deactivated asked: SOmeone told me that you are one of the founding fathers of this Internet group. What's your take of that?
saralaughs asked: If you could do anything in the world, even superhero stuff that doesn't really exist, and someone would pay you just enough for you and your family to be comfortable but never rich, what would you do?
notreallythisguyles asked: If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
I'm bored as shit.
Ask me stuff!
WHY ARE JALAPEÑOS SO UNRELIABLE???
Seriously. They’re either dead and lifeless like my cold, black heart, or like biting into molten lava like the fire that burns in my loins. I don’t know what any of this means I’m delirious right now from the burning in my mouth and nose.
If you haven't seen Star Wars yet, don't.
We’ve all seen it before. People who never watched Star Wars when they were kids, and then watch them after being hassled enough to give in. Mostly, their reactions are something akin to “meh.” “WHAT??” we exclaim. Star Wars is the greatest movie ever made! How is this even possible? I’ll tell you how. It’s our fault. We take our beloved treasure and...
The Greatest Crossover Ever
fuckyeahmst3k: generalsleepy: I dunno, I’d love to see a Time Chasers/Doctor Who crossover.
My son came in at 3:30 in the morning and said, “Daddy I have to pee.” So I gave him the response I always give him: “Then go pee.” He knows how to do it on his own. Sometimes I think he just wants to wake me up on purpose. He comes back in with his pants around his ankles and asks me to pull them up because he’s lazier than I am at 3:30 in the morning and as I do, I...
Me: I thought you weren't feeling well.
Wife: I'm not.
Me: Then why are you still awake?
Wife: It's this movie, Moneyball. I didn't realize it was so long. It's like 2 and a half hours!
Me: You thought the story of how one man revolutionized the entire game of baseball would be a short movie?
Wife: I hate you.
Saturday night presents shit ryanjjohn would say
misterprankster: Her: Maybe you have allergies too. ryanjjohn: Maybe fuck you the world is fucking bullshit. This is fairly accurate.
The Avengers: ReCast
Look guys, I know you’re all excited about the Avengers movie and everything, but we need to talk. The casting is a bit.. what’s the word? Pathetic. So I’ve decided to take on the role of Casting Director and Recast this movie using actors which better fit the characters they are engaged to portray. First Up: The Hulk. Now firstly, we should talk about Mark Ruffalo as Bruce...
Nothing wakes you up like spicy food.
Not coffee or red bull or juice or anything.
If there is a Church of Literature Gaiman is an...
mylibraryvoice: “I can believe things that are true and things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited...
I’m stalling going in the shower even though I know it’ll make me feel better. I’d rather sit outside and smoke cigarettes and be in a bad mood. Comfortably Miserable is what my old sponsor used to call it. Where you know what to do to make yourself feel better but you don’t want to do it yet because feeling shitty is what you’re most used to. I have an appointment...
Truthful Tuesday - The "My Mood Has Improved But...
I vomit in my mouth a little bit every time one of you posts some stupid picture of a couple laying in an open field with a caption like, “Love” or some other such bullshit. That’s not love. The only time 2 people ever lay in a field all day is when some douchebag photographer pays a couple of strangers to do it so he can make money off of your fairy tale ideas of how life...
Some kid: You know, smoking is gonna kill you.
Me: Well here's hoping, kid.
I’ve seen a gif from this video being thrown around here and there, so it’s time for you to see the whole thing in all of it’s glory. Watch this video. You don’t ever have to do anything I ask of you ever again if you watch this video. If you die tomorrow, I promise you you will die a better person after having watched this video. Don’t watch videos on Tumblr? I...
I just spent 3 hours rooting my phone and finding...
Totally worth it.
Me: Hmm.. I wonder what's going on on Tumblr today. *Opens Tumblr app for Android*
Tumblr app for Android: LA LA LA HERE'S THE FIRST POST! OR IS IT? WHO KNOWS!?! LA LA LA NO REPLIES FOR YOU! NOT EVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Me: Jesus Christ this sucks so much. Wait! I have the Tumblr app for iPhone too! Fuck you Android app! Fuck you right in the ass!
Tumblr app for iPhone: Ha ha. Nope. *Shuts down after trying to load 2 pages*