What the fuck, internet.
Pandora is blocked here at work, so I’m forced to listen to this second-rate radio station called Jango. It’s actually not too bad, but every 8 or 9th song, they play a track that they’re trying to promote, as an alternative (or supplement) to the ads they already play. Most of the time, these tracks have nothing to do with whatever station you happened to be tuned into, and are...
Don’t fucking leave me a voicemail telling me to call you back. I fucking know to call you back. We have caller ID you pretentious fuck. But now I have to go into my fucking voicemail and enter my ridiculously long password just to clear out that bright red fucking light that will haunt me all fucking day otherwise, just because you’re so self important you need to explain to me what...
One first cigarette
You know that first cigarette in the morning? When you just wake up, and you make yourself a cup of coffee, and you go out onto your porch and light up, and it’s wonderful and puts every fiery nerve-ending at ease and you think, “Ok, I can handle this day.” That’s the best smoking ever gets. Everyone would smoke if every cigarette was like that. No one smokes that...
Seven Things Sunday
It’s been almost two weeks since I got mugged (fell on the train platform) and my ribs still hurt as much as they did the first day. I was really confused as to why everyone suddenly loved the guy who made all those shitty clothes with the artsy tattoos printed on them until I realized it was a different Hardy. It’s unbearably hot in this store right now, even though outside...
Me: What's your least expensive roast beef?
Deli Guy: Probably the store brand.
Me: And how much is that?
Deli Guy: 10.99 per pound.
Me: I'll take a pound of bologna please.
I got home from work and sat down and went over how much we owe in bills due to my unemployment. That was pretty fun so after that I thought I’d hop in the shower real quick. And get some chores taken care of. But then I was like, “Hey guys! Everything’s going to be ok!” I just have to buckle down and save up! It’ll all work out.
Michelle: So, Ryan, are you going to watch the Olympics?
Me: Yeah. Well, you know, some things. Beach volleyball. Gymnastics. Stuff like that.
Michelle: Ah, I see.
Me: Yeah but you know, some things like gymnastics, I actually watch because of the sport. Well, mostly, anyway.
Michelle: But not beach volleyball?
Me: Not so much.
Michelle: Do you not like the scoring system?
Me: I'll be honest with you, Michelle, I didn't even know there WAS a scoring system.
recleegallstar-deactivated20120 asked: The thunder comes before the lightning and the lightning comes before the cloud. The rain dries all the land it touches, wrapping the earth in a blood red shroud. What am I?
Five Things Friday
• The kid at Cosi put horseradish sauce on my tuna sandwich instead of vinaigrette. Presumably by accident. It’s fucking delicious. • My boss is out all next week so I’ll be leaving early (on time) every day. • Today has just been a weird day. Like I just don’t really care about anything right now. I need a cigarette. • I’m afraid of turning into my father. • ...
Words with Strangers
Dad*: Paint party at my house! You bring the beer!! Me: Wrong son. Dad: Oh right. Well you can bring coffee or something. Me: I’ll pass.
This storm is like porn for instagram.
I just stood in line for a half an hour at...
Anonymous asked: How many people follow you?
It's pretty amazing what good music will do for...
The Animals - House of the Rising Sun
2nd Day in a row that my train is wicked late.
Yesterday it was late because the air conditioning wasn’t working. I’m still not sure why it was late because it still wasn’t fucking working when I got on the train. And it was hot and sweaty and full and who the fuck eats Indian food at 7:30 in the morning? Can’t wait to see what the excuse is today.
Well it seems as if I have successfully isolated...
I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing anymore....