cleapow:

michleer:

This one I’ll keep simple:

If you’re married, and you have no kids…. you are not REALLY married.

You’re nothing more than boyfriend and girlfriend with more paperwork.

Have a dog? Great. But no, it’s not even close to being a parent. You can pretend all you like. Who the hell cares which one of you gets custody of it if you break-up divorce?! You’ll most likely out-live it anyway.

Children bring an entirely new dimension to a marriage. A complexity you simply cannot fathom until you’ve been there.

Ok, I’ve been good all week and I know, I know, I am the number one proponent of boobs not drama.  However, I REALLY take exception to this comment.

Marriage is FAR more than children.  Children do not make a marriage.  Children are the outcome of sex between two people.  Children can exist without marriage and marriage absolutely can exist without children.

Marriage is not children.  Marriage is a commitment.  It is trust and respect and love.  It is sharing yourself and your life and your whole being with another person.  While my marriage looks pretty similar to what it did when we were just “shacking up” there is absolutely a level of commitment that exists now that never did before.  And I wanted to marry my husband.  I wanted to be able to give him more of myself with that “piece of paper.”  Because that “piece of paper” is not just a piece of paper to us.  It is a symbol of the respect and love for one another.  A respect and love that does not change because I don’t have children with him.

And what if I can never have children?  This looks more and more like a possibility the longer I remain not knocked up.  Does this invalidate my entire life with the man I love and respect and care more about than any other person in this world?  Absolutely not it doesn’t.

Again, I apologize for stirring up drama, but I just wanted to remind you that your experience is not the only experience and just because life changes after you have children with your spouse does not mean that it is not marriage.  It just means that the day to day life of your marriage looks and feels a bit different.

Carry on.

I take exception to this too. Yes, having children changes things, for sure. But we didn’t have Thomas until we had been married for 5 years. Do those 5 years not count? 

Bullshit.

Those 5 years were the hardest we had and have ever had. Drinking and drugs and relapses and lies and fighting and struggling and questioning whether or not we should stay together. THAT was our fucking marriage. I’ll take “Who’s gonna give Thomas a bath tonight” or, “You fed him WHAT for breakfast?” Over every single non-child related REAL MARRIAGE fight we had before he was born.

So fuck that and fuck you for saying that you’re not really married until you have kids.

Not having kids just means you’re not parents.