RyanJJohn

The proust questions

what is your greatest fear? Probably spiders. Or, ooh, snakes. Dead scary, snakes. 

what historical figure do you identify with most? Captain James Tiberius Kirk, USS Enterprise.  

what is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My inability to ignore myspace-esque surveys.  

what is the trait you most deplore in others? Their ability to post myspace-esque surveys.

what is your greatest extravagance? I have a lot of vagrances, but I wouldn’t call them “extra” per se. Just normal vagrances. 

what is your favorite journey? Probably “Don’t Stop Believing” That one’s great.  

what do you dislike most about your appearance? I have this stain on my shirt from the shriracha sauce I used earlier. I dislike it very much. 

which words or phrases do you most overuse? The, a, and, but. You know, the usual words.

what is your greatest regret? In the 7th grade, I lent Randy Staller my Sonic The Hedgehog 2 game and he never gave it back. Fuck you Randy! Fuck you right in your Sonic loving ass!

what or who is the greatest love of your life? Well cheeseburgers, obviously. I mean, I’m sure there’s something else. Hold on, let me think, let me think. You know what? Let’s stick with cheeseburgers. They’ve never let me down. 

when and where were you happiest? There was this one time, in 7th grade, I was playing my brand new Sonic the Hedgehog 2 game for Sega Genesis while eating a cheeseburger. This was before “The Randy Staller Incident of 1992.”

which talent would you most like to have? I wish I had the talent to stop time. Or like, control it. I guess that’s more of a super power than a talent. So I wish I had the talent to learn a super power. That would come in really handy.  

what do you consider your greatest achievement? I once had sex with 6 women at the same time. In my mind. It was a bit confusing at times, but they all left smiling and satisfied, from what I can remember.

if you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? I guess a fish. A fish would be nice. Swimming around and stuff. That sounds nice. Not like, a fish where people go fishing. A hook in the mouth would almost definitely hurt. Just like a normal regular swimmy little fish of some sort.

what is your most treasure possession? Oops. See? There’s a typo there. I’m going to have to assume what it meant was “What is your most treasure-like possession.” And I guess it would have to be my son’s treasure chest. It’s a lego treasure chest. No real treasure in it, obviously, what with it being a kid’s toy, but it is, in fact, the most treasure-like possession in my house. Being all treasury and everything.  

what do you regard as the lowest depths of misery? Probably when he crashes in the ravine. Like right as the movie starts and Kathy Bates finds him. That was probably the lowest depth of the movie. These questions are weird. 

where would you like to live? Away from people. 

what is your favorite occupation? Oh wow, so many to choose from! Poland, Wounded Knee, Wall Street. I just can’t choose. 

what is your most marked characteristic? My right bicep has a tattoo, so I guess that’s the most marked one? Sometimes my fingers get marked up when I’m drawing.  

what is the quality you like most in a man? Me. Wait, I’m doing this wrong, aren’t I? 

what do you value most in your friends? Me. Yeah that works better.

who are your favorite writers? There’s that guy who wrote the encyclopedia. Dead useful, that. It must have taken him forever, and he never gets any credit. 

who is your favorite hero of fiction? Abraham Lincoln, vampire hunter.

who are your heroes in real life? Superman, Batman, Aquaman. Ha ha. Not Aquaman. Seriously. What a douche. 

what are your favorite names? Ryan, J, John. 

what is it that you most dislike? Randy Fucking Staller.

how would you like to die? not at all, probably. I mean it wouldn’t be very fun, would it? I like to have fun. That’s my motto: Have fun. Dying isn’t fun. Fuck that. 

what is your motto? Abracadabra.