In honor of Star Wars day, I decided to watch the Rifftrax version of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, as riffed by Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy.
You cannot truly appreciate just how fucking awful this movie is, until you have 2 guys pointing out every glaring inconsistency, plot hole, and unnecessary dialog throughout the film. 75 percent of this movie is the characters talking to each other. Something that neither the script, nor the actors, are good enough to hold up. Adding to that, what the fuck? This is supposed to be STAR WARS, not My Dinner With Andre. Stop fucking talking! It’s supposed to be an ACTION movie! Add in the racist characters, (Jar Jar Binks was the worst, for sure, but certainly not the only one) and the silly, stupid characters thrown in there for, what? Comedic relief? Please. This movie was a fucking train wreck. Not to mention the sloppy science haphazardly thrown in to make the force look more biological than spiritual. It’s a farce. A mockery of everything that the original trilogy once stood for. And watching it while 2, arguably genius, men brutally make fun of it is the ONLY way to watch it.
If you haven’t seen Star Wars yet, don’t.
We’ve all seen it before. People who never watched Star Wars when they were kids, and then watch them after being hassled enough to give in. Mostly, their reactions are something akin to “meh.”
“WHAT??” we exclaim. Star Wars is the greatest movie ever made! How is this even possible?
I’ll tell you how. It’s our fault. We take our beloved treasure and we walk up to these unsuspecting people and we CRAM our shit down their throats. Wookies and Jedis and Yodas and Ewoks and Bounty Hunters. Take it all, you little bitches. Take it and like it. And then they know EVERYTHING about a movie they’ve never seen before. There is no surprise for them. No unexpected joy. No shock at finding out Darth Vader is Luke’s father. No marveling at the bad assery of Han Solo. No cry of triumph when the Death Star is destroyed. They get nothing. Because we have taken it all away from them. We have been careless and selfish and reckless and then, then when they are not amazed, we shun them. Shame on us.
So that is why I say to you, dear people who have apparently been living under a rock for the past 30 years. DON’T WATCH IT. Don’t sit there and question your judgement. Your taste in movies. Don’t sit there puzzling about how there must surely be something wrong with you. It’s not your fault. You are not to blame. We are. And on behalf of the Internet I humbly apologize.
(Source: bamfbugboy)
