RyanJJohn

Truthful Tuedsday - The “Buckle up, Kiddos, this might be a long one” edition

But first, a cigarette.

And I’m back. Just like that. I’m a quick smoker, what can I say?

Let’s do this.

A few days ago, it was pointed out to me (by multiple people) that the mood, shall we say, of my tumblr had taken a bit of a turn towards the dark side, if you will. I’ll be honest here and tell you that I shrugged these opinions off. I was just venting, obviously. I come here to vent sometimes. Whatever. It’s my blog, I’ll do what I want! Yeah! And I write better when I’m bitter and cynical, I tell myself. I still think that’s true, but regardless of that, or perhaps because of that, I was able to brush it off.

Only.. later that night, I had the misfortune of accidentally hitting the “Mass Post Editor” button on my dashboard. It automatically pulled up my archive, and there I was, faced with all of my posts over the past month or so. All at once.

The morning I quit drinking, I had, what we in the AA community like to call, “A moment of clarity.” That is, I took a step back and was able to see myself for who and what I really was. I’ve had a few more since then, and this last one was a little hard for me to swallow. I had become that which I hated. I had started to take tumblr, and myself, too seriously. Things I used to scoff at were now bugging the shit out of me. I was starting to hate it here, and it was showing in my posts, and giving off the impression that my life, on the whole, sucked. (It doesn’t, btw) I stared at my archive, sometimes clicking on a post to see what more I had written,  with a feeling of disdain and disgust, for about a half an hour before I went to the preferences page and clicked the “Delete your account” button. I stared at that little “Are you sure” message for another 20 minutes. I bet that sounds overdramatic but that’s where I was. I literally did not want to be here anymore. Not the way I was being. Not the way I was coming off. Cynical is alright sometimes but not when people are taking your posts personally. None of my posts have ever been directed at one person in particular, not ever, even when they really seem like it. So if you read something I wrote and it gave you that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, I’m sorry. It wasn’t about you but I’m sorry anyway. I’ve had enough posts actually written about me to know that feeling and it sucks. 

In any case, I obviously didn’t delete my account. I did delete a number of posts, mostly pictures of my dumb face, which, shame on you, dear followers, for not telling me what a narcissistic douchebag I looked like. I’d appreciate that kind of honesty if it happens again. Do it anonymously if you want, I don’t care, just tell me! Regardless of that I’ve decided to reevaluate how I use this little social site. This is for me, obviously, I genuinely don’t care how you use it. Vent away and be angry if that’s what floats your boat. This is about how I’ve been coming off lately and how I don’t like it and how I want it to change. 

I guess this wasn’t as long as I had originally thought it would be.

So it goes.

Truthful Tuesday - The “My Mood Has Improved But Not My Cynicism” Edition

• I vomit in my mouth a little bit every time one of you posts some stupid picture of a couple laying in an open field with a caption like, “Love” or some other such bullshit. That’s not love. The only time 2 people ever lay in a field all day is when some douchebag photographer pays a couple of strangers to do it so he can make money off of your fairy tale ideas of how life should be. Love is gritty and it’s hard and it takes work and it doesn’t always feel so wonderful. So if you think being in love with someone is going to solve all your problems, then good luck to you. Because you’re an idiot. 

• I think most of you are full of shit. Not the crazy, fucked up, drama-filled kind of shit that’s been in the forefront lately. Just the normal every day shit. How you perceive yourselves. Conversations you’ve had with coworkers. Relationship stories. I read it all and that little voice in the back of my head, I call him The Beast, The Beast growls, “Bullshit.” And that nice, calm, optimistic voice I have in the front says, “No, no, not this time.” But he doesn’t really mean it, because he knows The Beast tells the truth, the hard, awful truth, more often than he lies. And he lies a lot.

• I don’t understand why you guys revere some of the Tumblr people that you do. I read their self-aggrandizing, borderline masturbatory posts, or worse yet, the self-deprecating, insecure, fishing for compliment ones, and I think, “Really? You guys are buying this shit?” It’s baffling to me that you can’t see through some people. Sometimes I think (or hope) that you’re all just feeding their egos as some kind of elaborate joke that I haven’t been made a part of yet. The Beast knows better though. Most of you will fall for anything if it sounds pretty. These people aren’t smarter than you. They should not be looked up to. They have spell-check and a thesaurus and they know how to write without sounding dumb. That’s it. 

Truthful Tuesday - The “Oh, Internet, you so cray cray” edition.

• I don’t know what this Honey Badger business is all about. I don’t know why he doesn’t give a fuck, and I don’t give enough of a fuck to google and find out. Is that ironic? I don’t know. I’m too lazy to google irony to find out.

• You can’t intentionally start a meme. That’s not a meme. If someone says, “Everyone tell me why you’re here!” And you do, you’re not participating in a meme, you’re just doing what that guy told you to do. If someone tells you why they’re here, and someone else does the same, and it snowballs like that, that’s a meme. It just happens. Don’t force it.

• Let’s start a boob meme.

• More straight women post pictures of naked women on tumblr than straight (or gay, for that matter) men. Not complaining, (at all) it’s just an observation.

• Some of you keep saying how much you hate drama, yet you always seem to be in the thick of it. If you’re the common denominator, maybe you should take a step back and examine your actions.  

• And also mind your own business. This should apply to everyone. Who cares!?! Fuck! It’s the fucking INTERNET! Be like the Honey Badger could possibly be if I only knew for sure!

• It really yanks my crank when someone writes a long post and some asshole comes along and has to nitpick one fucking word or phrase because their delicate sensibilities have been offended. Fuck you, and get over yourself. Not every post is going to be tailor-made for you. If you’re offended, the unfollow button is right there at the top of the page.

• Pictures of your cat will never make me not snarl with disgust. Pictures of your dog will never not make me want to get a 4th.

• Ridiculously Photogenic Guy would make a lot more sense to me if he looked more like Ryan Gosling, because let’s be honest, he’s probably the most good looking dude on the planet.

Truthful Tuesday II - The Lighter Edition

• I can peel potatoes faster with a paring knife than I can with a vegetable peeler.

• I have a job interview on Friday for a very large financial firm.

• The position is not for anything having to do with finance.

• My son has told me repeatedly today that I’m a good man, and I’m almost at the point where I believe him.

• I’m going to try to put him to bed tonight without lying down next to him on the floor until he falls asleep.

• I’ll let you guys know how that goes.

Truthful Tuesday

I’m enjoying Instagram a lot more than Tumblr lately. 

There’s no drama. No one gets butthurt. No petty little rivalries. No passive aggressive posts. No long winded diatribes wherein people claim to be trying to discover themselves but in reality are trying to show everyone how intelligent they think they are. No one trying to one-up each other. No lying or backstabbing or betrayal.

There’s no bullshit.

It’s just pictures.

Truthful Tuesday II

I posted a picture of Justin Timberlake earlier and it got reblogged a bunch of times and then people started getting pissy about how anyone will reblog a picture of Justin Timberlake holding a sign, but that really wasn’t the point of the post. The point was what was on the sign. I don’t really care who is in the picture and neither should you. 

See?

Truthful Tuesday

The second worst thing about working at this store is when I’m about to walk outside for a cigarette and someone pulls into the parking lot. 

The worst thing thing about working at this store is when I just light up my cigarette and someone pulls into the parking lot.